Pregnant?: That Would Be A No

Not that I thought I would start my new cycle on time but I had hopes, what with this being my first month off the pill. You could imagine my curiosity after not even having started today. I told myself I wouldn't rush to take a PG test but I thought of the wine and champagne I'd be missing for no reason on New Year's Eve if I didn't confirm what I already suspected. I was right. No double pink lines for me this month. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a bit disappointed. I think more than anything the reality of the 'no' brought back scores of memories and emotions that I'd rather care to forget.

What if this never happens? What if it takes forever? Can I please get off this crazy train before it makes me nuts?

Ha! And it's only month one. Truth is as much as I am committed to tap into God's peace, I am human. So I'm going to give myself a break. Of course I realize almost no one gets pregnant the first month they try. But for those of us with infertility it's more than the 'no' that haunts you each month. It's the possibility of 'never'. Dave and I feel strongly that I should begin Clomid (a fertility drug that will help me ovulate) next month. I'll have Dr. Rupe chime soon to share more about that.

Hey, at least I got to toast the new year. We rang in the new year a little while ago eastern standard time. I am excited to turn the page to 2010. I believe that there will be many blessings that come to us this year by God's great grace. I pray the same for you and yours.

Happy New Year!