Pregnant? : Week 3

Today marks the beginning of week 3 of my "pregnancy" which means I should be ovulating. Problem is. . .I don't think I'm ovulating. I am using those wonderful ovulation predictors (which basically means I have to pee on more sticks and the reward is not as great at finding out you are pregnant!) and those little buggers confuse me more than anything.

I have PCOS. Have I mentioned that before? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is the reason I had so much trouble getting pregnant in the first place. I'll spare you all the medical mumbo jumbo and just say that PCOS means I don't ovulate regularly, or likely not at all. Having just come off the pill, I was hopeful I would ovulate since that's what the pill does. I suspect I may ovulate later than normal ("normal" is 14 days before you normally start your period - or right in the middle of a 28 day cycle) so there is still hope this month.

I am actually much more at peace about trying this time around. If there was one thing I learned on my last journey it's that God knows what He's doing. After all the waiting and the miscarriages and the sorrow, His sovereignty ordained one tiny sperm to join one (and likely the only one) good egg to create a life destined to live before there was time. That's what I believe about the Creator of life. He knows and wills and does for His great purpose. So as much as this process sucks, I am much more willing to wait this time knowing that His perfect will created this little girl that I am so crazy in love with. Why shouldn't I trust Him?

I am reading this book by Hannah Whitall Smith that was written in the 1800's. The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life. I started reading it because lately I've noticed there are a lot of miserable Christians walking around this earth. I am intrigued to know what a woman who lived a few hundred years ago has to say about our happiness. Last night the chapter was about trust and the will. Hannah pretty much implores her readers to understand that trust has nothing to do with emotion. We constantly want to feel like we trust Him. Trust rather, is an act of the will and thus we must decide to trust Him. When we do so, our emotions come into alignment with our will and peace and happiness follows. Sounds simple, right? I don't know how simple it is, but it's what I'm going to do. I simply have to or I'll go mad trying and waiting and trying and waiting. . .

This principle is something I need to apply to every area in my life. There will always be something we are waiting on or trusting Him for. We might as well be happy as we do so. He is faithful and despite the waiting and the counting and the 20+ sticks I will pee on, I will yield to His perfect will.

Will you?