Part 2: The Process

After we decided on agency, the next step was to get a home study. Before we could get signed up for a home study, we were required to go to an “Adoption Orientation.” Sounds like a good idea I thought, then I noticed the date: an 8 hour class on a week day, with no childcare available. Hmmm. Well. OK. So I cancelled my office for that day, located a babysitter and went to an 8 hour session on adoption. This was my first clue that this was going to be no easy process.

The class was really helpful. It talked about the process and tried to prepare you for all the unknowns. It also made me realize that adoption is far too much like a real estate transaction. As adoptive parents you fill out pages of questions about what type of baby are you willing to adopt: Different Race? Special needs? Twins? What if the mother smokes? Drinks? Drugs? It feels a little weird to go through and check those boxes. Then you make up a portfolio that is given to the birth moms that they use to choose you, kind of like a house showing. The portfolio has pictures of your life/home/ family and a letter you write to her about why she should give you her baby. No pressure there!

They also discussed open adoption, where the birth mom has continued contact with the child during his life. There were several testimonies from families who had open adoptions. I think most prospective adoptive parents go into the process thinking open adoptions are less desirable, but after the orientation I realized how this a can be truly beneficial for both the child and the birth mom. He can grow up with a biological connection. The child can always know that his birth mom did not in any way “give him up” but instead loved him so deeply that she choose to give him to family who could give him a life that she couldn’t provide.

So after our orientation we filled out a ream of paperwork, got background checks and letters of reference from just about everyone we ever met. One of my favorite stories involved getting fingerprinted (for our FBI background check). There are only a couple of places in our area that do official fingerprinting and only during weekday business hours, of course. The closest place to us was about a 30 minute drive away. By the time we get there (after getting lost 3 times), Ryan has fallen asleep in the car, so Russ goes in first to get his, while I stay with Ryan. He comes out about 30 minutes later, tells me where in the building to go and we switch off. I wait in line for about 30 minutes. When it’s my turn, the lady closes the door in my face. Closed for lunch she says. She was essentially the live action version of Selma Bouvier. But I’m next in line…. AND THERES NO ONE BEHIND ME! She just shrugs, points to clock and says come back in one hour. Seriously? So, we did.

Additionally, we were also required to read several books and attend a 12 week class that meet one night a week for an hour and a half. It was a good class, but again we had to get babysitting and call coverage switched each week. As we went through the process, we begin to pray about the different options. We felt open to adopting a child of a different race. So, we took additional classes on interracial adoption. On a positive note, with interracial adoption the wait is usually much shorter, only 4-6 months on average. Awesome, we thought, we should have a baby by next Christmas.

The final step was the actual home inspection, which was not that big of deal. From what I remember, I was pretty nervous that first time (I think we’ve had a total of 5 home visits now). I cleaned the base boards and bleached the bathtubs. Our social worker was great and overall the visit was fairly painless. She made sure there was no hazardous material sitting around or no meth lab in the garage. She checked to see if we had baby proofed and that we had enough room for another child. Our house was deemed acceptable.

We finished to get our profile, turned it in and became an official “waiting family” in July of 2007.