Christmas Gift Strategy

Shortly before Hope's first holiday season I read an article in a parenting magazine that completely changed the way we do Christmas. I wish I could take credit for this fabulous idea but I cannot. Unfortunately, I don't have the information to properly credit the mom who came up with this idea. If you are out there somewhere and happen to read this (yeah, right), thank you for the inspiration! The mom explained that their strategy for simplifying the holidays and making sure their children keep their wish list under control is to give each child three gifts in line with those that were brought to Jesus after his birth.

GOLD = The "big" gift they've been wanting
FRANKINCENSE = Something for their body
MYRRH = Something for their spiritual development

We decided to institute this tradition very early on so it's all our kids will know. Dave and I do the same for each other and honestly, it really helps to have focus and a bit of direction.

So this year, as we've done each year before, Hope is getting three gifts. I can share them with you here because let's face it, she doesn't read my blog. Maybe this list will spark some ideas for those that still have gifts to mark off their list.

GOLD = Loving Family Dollhouse by Fisher Price


We purchased the dollhouse back in the spring after finding it on a major sale. We then collected the dollhouse furniture throughout the year so we wouldn't bear the full cost during the season (dollhouse furniture can get pricey!).

Frankincense = Mommy and Me Aprons


These aren't the actual aprons. Mine are coming courtesy of my amazing friend Terri. But they will look something like this. Hope loves it when we both put on aprons while cooking or baking in the kitchen. When thinking of something "for the body" to give her, I thought this gift was both practical and meaningful.

Myrrh = Deliberate Kids CD


If you haven't tried these amazing CDs for your kids, I encourage you to visit deliberatekids.com Phil Joel (formerly of the Newsboys) and his wife, Heather have created these awesome resources for kids. The worship is both excellent and fun! Hope loves dancing around to the first CD so I know she'll love the next edition.

What are your holiday traditions? We'd love to hear about them this month as we all prepare to celebrate the season as simply yet meaningful as possible.

Happy Shopping!

The Joy of Advent

I can hardly believe it's December 1st. Hope was thrilled to know it was finally December. I don't even think she knows what all is coming. She was just dying to start opening the doors on our advent calendar.

I think I'm especially reflective about the season having just witnessed a true miracle in our lives. This pregnancy has made me so in awe of the creator. I suppose I should be ashamed that I wasn't always this awe-struck; after all every breath we take is a wonderful miracle. But every once in a while he shows up in an amazing way in each of our lives (like Dr. Rupe's adoption story) that cause us to stop dead in our tracks, fall to our knees and offer him the recognition he actually deserves every day of our existence.

I don't think it's any accident that Christmas falls right at the end of the year, right before the beginning of a new one. After all the hustle and bustle - after the trials and tribulations of one season - we turn our hearts and minds towards him and the miracle of his life and we are filled up with gratitude and hope, just in time to face a new calendar of busyness and very possibly, struggle.

I'm looking forward to walking through this advent season and teaching Hope more and more about what it truly means. It's exciting to think she'll understand it a little better each year. Maybe I will too.

We'll be talking about Christmas traditions in the coming weeks and we look forward to hearing about some of yours.

Enjoying the season,

A Feast of Thanksgiving

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. Psalm 100:4

Dr. Rupe and I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving! We hope you will be spending the day with your loved ones; focusing on the many blessings in your lives. We have so much to be thankful for. Even in the midst of trials, there are many blessings we can count.

With this post I'd like to offer a feast of thanksgiving and I hope you'll share with us what you are most thankful for as well.

This year I am thankful for:
1. Jesus, who has allowed me to be real with him this year. In doing so I feel so much closer to him and I am so grateful for his unconditional love.
2. My husband, who is the most servant-hearted man I know.
3. My daughter, Hope, whose life is a daily reminder to me that I don't have to be afraid as I walk this new journey as a mommy-to-be.
4. My new baby, the life that God has allowed us to conceive in his timing and through his plan. I am thankful for the strong heartbeat that we were able to see this week.
5. My family, who is has been incredibly supportive this year.
6. My friends, some who have moved away and some who remain close. Location does not determine closeness. I am so blessed by the women in my life.
7. Provision, which will look different in the months to come but he's always provided, why would he stop now?

I am reminded today with all of the thoughts and stresses vying for our attention, that we have to focus our minds on the positive things in our lives. So what are you thankful for? And what are you believing for that you would take a step of faith and thank him for in advance?

May your heart overflow with peace and gratitude this Thanksgiving.
Love,

Sick and Pregnant!

So I have a cold. It stinks. My throat is raw and my nose is full of snot. It's hard enough being sick but being sick when you are pregnant is miserable. What I wouldn't do for some NyQuil right now!

My husband and I were out and about yesterday when I felt this cold coming on and unfortunately, I could not for the life of me remember what medications I could take (despite having read this manuscript 50,000 times). The very uninterested Publix pharmacist did not help although he did remind me I could take Sudafed (which, by the way, I had to sign for). I was not near my own Publix otherwise I would have received a warm welcome, lots of helpful information and a huge congratulations that I am expecting. (Not all Publix stores were created equal).

And now, here I am at home. In front of my computer where I could check my handy, dandy Pregnancy Companion manuscript (don't you wish you had the book already?!) and here's what it says:

Colds and upper respiratory illnesses are also quite annoying. Acetaminophen (Tylenol), guaifenesin (Robitussin), and phenylephrine (Sudafed) are generally safe to take during pregnancy. Make sure to avoid products that contain ibuprofen (Motrin or Advil) or aspirin. If you begin to cough up chunky junk (yes, that’s a medical term) or have a fever, you should see your doctor. It is highly recommended that you get the flu shot while you are pregnant. If you do get influenza with body aches, chills, and fevers, you should be started on antiviral drugs quickly. Some OB offices treat their sick pregnant patients in the office; others will have you see your family doctor. Check with your doctor on office policy.

So there you have it. No, I cannot take NyQuil or the myriad other drugs I would normally use to knock myself out, but I can do this:

- Drink lots of water
- Drink decaf tea to soothe my throat (Decaf PG Tips is my favorite)
- Rest
- Take Sudafed and Tylenol
- Sleep with an extra pillow to keep my head elevated
- Sleep with the window cracked for extra air circulation and thus less stuffiness (this is my husband's trick), of course this requires you raise the heat
- Make an appointment to have my flu shot because let's face it, I don't want to feel this yucky again!

Got any pregnancy sickness tips? Leave a comment, we'd love to hear them!


P.S. I LOVE being pregnant and writing this blog. Now I will have real time, real life pregnancy topics to discuss first hand. And believe me, I should have plenty. I experienced about every, silly, little thing you could experience when I was pregnant with Hope!

Speaking of Miracles. . .

I hope you all were encouraged by Dr. Rupe's amazing adoption story. I lived through it with her yet I still get chills every time we talk about it. What an amazing reminder that sometimes the Lord allows us to wait for things so that he will get the most glory when it finally comes about the way he chooses. What a miracle story!

Speaking of miracles. . .Remember how I was believing that I would conceive this month even though, medically it was a long shot? The main reason I felt the grace to believe for such a thing was because of the faith of a friend. A couple of weeks ago I met Heather (sorry, I just can't call her Dr. Rupe when talking so personally about our friendship) and our friend Donna for dinner. It was right after the appointment I wrote about where my eggs were on the wrong side (remember I only have one tube after my ectopic pregnancy) and I was asked to pay out the wazooo for fertility treatments that didn't work. I was at a low point on my journey and I truly felt like I wanted to give up. I shared the update with Donna and Heather. Both were very sweet and encouraging but it was Heather's response that changed everything. Here she was. . .not only my friend but my doctor as well and she said, "That's no big deal. Your tubes can flop around. I really feel like this is THE month." Did my OB really just tell me that maybe I could conceive against all odds? It was like a shot in the arm. . .both the reassurance of the slight medical possibility and my sweet friend believing when I didn't think I could believe any longer.

I left that dinner feeling so hopeful. More hopeful than I had been when the eggs where on the right side. So I began to pray and ask the Lord for the near impossible (but not completely impossible according to my doc). I started to realize that if he did allow me conceive against the odds like this, it would surely bring more glory to him. Having a story like that would make all the waiting and the pain worth it.

So this is it. . .the post I've been waiting all year to write. I am pregnant!! Although we remain guarded having been through all we've been through in the past, our main hurdle has been cleared: that little bugger safely made it to my uterus (as was confirmed on an early ultrasound yesterday). I'm only 5 weeks along and perhaps I'm crazy to be sharing this news so soon but I feel like you all have walked faithfully with me through this journey so I'm committed to share all of it with you. I appreciate your prayers as we wait in hope for the next milestones: hearing a heartbeat in a week or so and getting through the first trimester. We are guarded yet we believe that he will be faithful to continue this miracle.

So once again I am reminded that sometimes he asks us to wait for things so he can bring them about his way. I am truly honored that he would use me and my story to bring glory to himself.

May you see his glory in your own life this season.
Love,

Part 5: The Good Part

On November 3, 2009 as I was reading my bible a scripture stood out, actually it more like jumped off the page and screamed at me:

Heb 10:36 “You need to persevere, so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised”

Despite 3 years and 3 failed adoptions, I felt my faith soar on that day.

This was my verse. Afterward, I took our dog for a walk, praying as I went along. I felt very strongly that God was saying to me that it was time to set up the nursery. There was No Doubt in my heart that this is what God was telling me to do. I hoped it meant that a baby was coming soon, but I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was just another step of faith. I came home from my walk and told Russ what God had told me. I wasn’t exactly sure what his response would be, but he said OK.

So the next day we pulled our crib out of storage and put it together. We dug out all the carefully saved bins, and sorted through the baby stuff. It was not easy. What if I was being silly? What if we were disappointed again? But the more I worked on the nursery the more I felt my faith rise. I called my mom, Donna Hawkins and AnnJanetteToth and told them what we were doing. I didn’t get a chance to talk to Jessica that weekend to tell her.

That Sunday at church was the week that the Detweilers dedicated their adopted sons. When babies were dedicated at church, it was often hard for me to watch. I will admit to taking a bathroom break occasionally so I didn’t have to sit through them. This dedication was so special though, it was so awesome to see how God worked in their lives through adoption. Also our friend Justine Foster was visiting us that weekend. She too was in the process of waiting to adopt a child. I felt so encouraged.

November 10, 2009 was a Tuesday. I was on ER call. That means that if a patient comes in that doesn’t have a doctor at our hospital they would be assigned to my care. I get assigned to this call about once a month. Shortly before lunch I got a call from one of the ER doctors. There’s a patient here in labor, she not from around here, and by the way she didn’t know she was pregnant.

After getting the patient admitted, I stepped out to do some paperwork. Later,as I came back to the room to check on her, nurses look at me and one said in a very slow, deliberate voice, “Dr. Rupe, the patient wants to give her baby for adoption.” The entire room turned to see my response. The unit had watched us go through our loss, they knew what we had been through and how much we wanted a child.

At this moment I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. “Would you consider my family, we have been waiting a long time to adopt a baby?”

“Yes” she simply said.

I then turned over her medical care to one of my partners and stepped into my office to hyperventilate. I called Russ and told him about the possibility. I then picked up the phone to call Jessica to ask her to pray (remember I hadn’t told her about setting up the nursery), and I noticed that I had a voice mail from her. Her voice mail said, “Heather, I had a dream last night that you had a baby. You have been on my heart and I‘ve been praying for you all morning.” Wow. I was shaking as I put down the phone, tears began to flow.

After the baby was born that night, our profile was given to the birth mom by the social workers. We prayed hard. The next morning, we met with the birth mom and she told us that she wanted us to have her son. I wept. We talked for awhile and I asked her why she came to our hospital since she lived several hours away. “I don’t know,” she said, "I really had no reason to come here. I just got in my car and started driving… I drove several hours up 65 until I saw this hospital.”

Later that day we got to meet Carson. We brought Ryan to the hospital and we all held him. He was so perfect and perfect for our family. There were so many happy tears on the unit that night.

It was a life group night and we got there a little late. When we walked in, Ryan told everyone the news, “For a long time there has only been 3 people in our family, but we prayed for a baby, and now we have 4 in our family.”

Let’s just say there was great rejoicing that night.

The next day we brought him home. As we left the hospital the nurses put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me out to the portico like a “real mom.” It was so special. I could feel all the love and support. He has been our son since that day and always will be.

A few weeks after Carson was born we were at a Christmas party and I overheard someone ask Russ, "What was the biggest surprise after you got him home?"

His answer warms my heart even now, "How quickly we fell in love with him. I thought it would take some time, but it was immediate."

So that’s my adoption story: After 3 years of waiting, a women drives for hours in pain, not even realizing that she is pregnant, to a hospital where I happen to be on call, a week after God told me to set up our nursery and a day after Jessica has a dream that I have a baby.

PS. Oh, and 3 days later we got this book deal and I find out I have 4 months to write a book.

Part 4: Again? No, Really God, You Have to Freakin’ Kidding Me.

In spring of 09 we matched with another birth mom. There we no birthfather issues, she was sure of her decision, and she was 3 months from delivery. Oh, and by the way did I mention she was having twins? We were so happy! So, this was why we had has to go through the other loses, because God wanted us to have 2 and not 1! Shortly after being chosen by the twin’s mom, we got contacted by our agency that there was a different baby available. She was already born and we could essentially have her right away. We were torn. We had already told this birth mom yes, but this other situation was a “sure thing.” After a lot of prayer, I really felt like we were supposed to stay with the twin’s mom. After making this decision, I felt a genuine sense of peace.

A few weeks later we bought a much larger 5 bedroom home and began boxing up our things. We read books on having twins, bought a double stroller and picked up some girl clothes.

Then we got the 3 am call: she’s in labor. We were there to witness their birth. They were perfect and healthy. Being premature, they went to the NICU, where we were by their side for the first week of their tiny little lives.

When they were a week old, the birth mom changed her mind and decided to parent. It hit me like a ton a bricks. After getting the news, I was so upset I couldn’t drive home. Even now, it’s difficult to think about that time.With the move only days away, there wasn't really time to process.

I returned to work a few days later after reopening my schedule at the office (I had previously blocked my schedule for a maternity leave), and moved into a very big and very empty house. Jessica and Donna (Hawkins) were kind enough to come over and box up the baby stuff so we didn’t have to go through it. That’s where it remained: in boxes.

The hardest part was going back to work. They were still in the NICU… at my hospital… yards away from where I stood. I had to pretend they didn’t exist, while I sat and listened to all my pregnant patients complain about their back pain and yeast infections. I ‘happily’ delivered other peoples babies, while all the time my own heart was broken.

Time, prayer, and Hope slowly began to help me heal. Instead, of resenting the new house, we loved it. It was our proverbial “dream home” and we kept busy decorating and meeting the new neighbors (who we neglected to mention our whole adoption drama to). As the months went on, I truly forgave all those involved in our previous hurts and losses. I had never “blamed” any of our birth moms, but there were supporting players in the various dramas who I realized I was still harboring resentments against. Slowly but surely with time in the word, prayer, life group support and running, lots and lots of running, I finally grasped contentment. Not always. It was a daily decision. Sometimes it escaped me, but more days then not I was content…. Well, until kindergarten.

When Ryan started Kindergarten that fall, it was difficult on many levels. I had never, in my wildest dreams thought we would not have another baby at home by then. For Russ, it was difficult for additional reasons. As a stay at home dad, he essentially lost his job, when Ryan started school. While he had other projects which kept him occupied, the uncertainty was frustrating. I cried the first week of Ryan’s kindergarten. On my Mondays off I missed Ryan, but soon Russ and I came to realize that we had a unique gift: time. A balance was reached of expectant faith while still enjoying getting to spend extra quality time together.